Category Archives: jobs

On Self-Loathing

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Self-loathing is the unshakable tormenting imaginary friend that every 20-something young adult tries hard to break a relationship with.

It’s that invisible whisper in your ear that reminds you why you’re not good enough and doesn’t let you sleep at night. It’s that transparent body that blocks you from moving forward and tells you that you might as well just go back to where you came from. It sometimes takes the form of a parent, a friend, or even a stranger who chuckles at your naivety and mocks you with a middle finger.

For myself, my self-loathing became more prominent my fall semester of my sophomore year. In everything I did — no matter if it was successful — there was an auspicious awareness that it was not good enough and would amount to nothing. No matter what I did this semester: present a speech before First Lady Michelle Obama, get promoted to News Editor, meet amazing writers, and among other things that I was lucky to take part in — I still came back to my dorm riddled with anxiety and stress over my apparent inability to produce anything worthy of being called, “good.”

Even self-loathing made me stop blogging after I posted the most successful blog post I ever had.

And like so many self infatuated young adults, I assumed it was just me that had this problem. It wasn’t until I was at a party when a friend of mine drunkenly confessed her feelings of inept when it came to herself, her work and her future. In my opinion, she was an extremely amazing artist (her undergrad major) and that it was silly to spend time hating herself when she was perhaps one of the few people I admired my age.

In contrast, I think of my friends who are confident in themselves but are ignorant to their lack of ability. Like most young adults, I have many friends who want to be authors, photographs, artists, actors; but are acutely unaware that the work they currently produce is lackluster.

Why do talented people feel like their contributions are below average, and why do untalented people feel like their contributions are “God’s gift to mankind?”

In a quote from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird: Miss Maudie speaks about Atticus’ hidden shooting talent and says, “People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.”

While perpetual and severe self-loathing is never a good thing as it is detrimental to someone’s own psyche — an understanding of humility and one’s own lack of ability is a thing that a person can learn from. The person who believes they have a lot to learn will eventually outshine the person who believes they are superior and gifted.

In turn however — humility is a balancing act. Recently, I had an internship interview at a prominent newspaper in Iowa. I was 100% positive they weren’t even going to contact me for an interview. When I did get contacted for an interview, I was in immediate panic mode and was sure that I was going to do a terrible job and would be an unqualified candidate. My best friend’s father gave me the simple advice of acting like the paper would be lucky to have me, instead of the other way around. Through this simple façade of courage and vigor — I know that the interview went 10x better than it would have if I went in with a determination that I was unfit for the position.

But things like acting confident during an interview is obvious. It’s the balancing act of humility and courage that young adults need to sort through when applying for jobs/colleges, swimming through the dating scene or even living their everyday lives.

Most young adults in this generation lack assertiveness and confidence which is saddening. We lack the ability to feel strongly about something or voice our opinion for fear of offending someone. And then when we do stand up for ourselves or do something daring — we chastise ourselves for it immediately afterwards and follow up with, “but that’s just my own opinion” or “but I could definitely be wrong.”

At the same time, American society is individualistic and is focused on the sole person. Parents smother their children with overbearing compliments and comfort, and those children turn into young adults who fail to see themselves past the veil of, “Oh Johnny, you were the best pumpkin in the play out of all of them.”

So after rambling about the same thing over and over again — I leave you with this one belief that I’ve acquired.

I would rather do great things and self-loathe myself, rather than be mediocre and live in naive state of mind. I would rather be talented and not talk about it than be average and act boastful. I would rather believe other people are better than me, than proclaim myself as the best.

At the same time — there are certain things confident people have a better chance to get such as happiness, friends and certain things that require charisma such as a job interview or even a job offer.

So after today, I am going to try and learn how to live with my self-loathing imaginary friend, and take everything he says with a grain of salt.

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Student Journalism: The Best and the Worst

We’ve all been there. No matter what age or occupation, we’ve had those days that we never want to end, and those miserable days that seem endless.

In the world of journalism, we can distinctly remember those adrenaline moments when we uncover a hot story or get the chance to hear an exciting tip from a source. We can also distinctly remember the rough interviews, the angry people and those horrendous moments where it seems a story is going absolute nowhere.

As a student still learning the ropes, there are definitely distinctive high and low moments in student journalism.

The Best:

You Can Mess Up and People Are Understanding

We all make mistakes. Luckily for students, people are much more forgiving since they understand that you are still in the learning process. Once when I was investigating a story, I did not interview a person who was blatantly important and needed his voice to be heard. When he later emailed me and shared his thoughts, I immediately apologized and did my best to correct the situation.

“Are you a student?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m a freshman.”

“Aaaah, that’s alright then. We all make mistakes.”

It is the card that you can pull that makes those big mistakes just a tad bit lighter.

On the otherhand…

The Worst:

Not being trusted with responsibilities because of student/ year status.

Luckily for me, as I come from a small school, my year in school doesn’t matter that much, but at bigger universities all of the practical experience goes to upperclassmen. I don’t agree that it’s a bad thing since upperclassmen certainly deserve the respect and the work, but underclassmen lose the chance to gain some necessary experience.

When interviewing people for a story, they are also less serious when it comes to a student newspaper. There have been times when I haven’t been invited to a press conference while other neighboring newspapers have been invited. It wasn’t because the quality of work wasn’t up to par– it was because we were viewed as less important since we were merely seen as “caterers to students.”

The Best:

Receiving the opportunity to dabble in a mix of mediums

For my sophomore year, I am covering three different beats for our student newspaper, while also serving the role of news director for our radio station. I don’t have any experience with budget cuts even though that is one of my beats, and I definitely don’t have any broadcasting experience.

That doesn’t matter though. Since I’m a student, I have the opportunity to use the university’s different equipment and educate myself on a variety of things. When out in the real world, there’s no way that you can work for a newspaper and for a radio station. Sure, you can have video on a newspaper site, and these days, websites are integrating a variety of mediums, but generally, it is still one major emphasis while something else takes the background.

The Worst:

Gaining an understanding of “the real world.”

I definitely believe my experience in the newspaper and my upcoming experience with the radio station will benefit my career later on. However, there is still a distinct different between an extracurricular and a professional job.

Unfortunately, the things that we learn in classrooms are often outdated by the time we graduate. While we assume that our classroom time and education is so unique, that same theme or lesson is being taught in just about every other journalism class.

And that complacency and laziness that you were allowed to have as a student in an activity will bring you the pink slip in your professional career.

The Best:

Making a name for yourself on campus

I’m sure it’s happened to any student who has worked for some sort of media outlet that’s popular on campus. Sometimes when you walk around or introduce yourself to someone, they’ll recognize you and say, “Hey aren’t you the person who was on —- or hey, aren’t you the person that always writing for —–?”

It’s heart warming and nice when your peers and professors notice your work and compliment you for it. Especially at a large institution, it’s even more flattering to be recognized.

And it doesn’t hurt that in the future, your peer may be a future connection or employer.

The Worst:

That bubble where you think, “I’m the awesomest person everrrr.”

You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure in class or at your paper or station, there’s that one person who thinks they’re the next Diane Sawyer. And sometimes, you can’t blame them for thinking that. We pamper and groom students so much and compliment them for every little thing that they can get egotistical.

But when they’re shoved out into the real world and employers are rejecting their application left and right, they’re dumbfounded. They were great at school and everyone thought their work was fantastic, why can’t they land an entry-level job?

 

Through thick and thin however, student journalism is a necessity for our up and coming age of young media socialites. It gives us the opportunity to spread our wings, get shot down and then fly back up again, ready to take on whatever may be out there.

And so I ask, what are your best and your worst in journalism?

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